It has been a while since I've written you, but not more then a moment that I've thought of you. I haven't found the right place for your picture, when I do, it will be the first to go up. I can't not believe 6 long years have come and went, without you guiding us with your compassion, wisdom, and truth. Those years ago, through type and tick, you lifted me up as a person, and I feel I've grown out of your small words of wisdom. Those days where I couldn't see the positive side of the world, you opened your heart and let me see the possibilities. Since losing you, I've had love, heartache, happiness, loss, a wide range of emotions to expiriance, yet every time I feel a bit down, or life just seems a bit too much to handle, I think of you and your uplifting spirit, your voice in the back of my head telling me to smile. I miss you every day. As I've gotten older I've found that you only have a few true friends in your life time, while being as humble as possible. I know in my heart that I can count you as possibly the best friend I have had. I've seen the word used lightly over the years, but you showed me the true meaning of friendship. I love you Jason Daniel Brink, a love for a friend that I have never expirianced before, and I'm not sure that I will again. You were meant for more then this earth had to offer. God meant you for something greater then any of us can even come close to understanding. You touched the lives of so many in life and in your passing. I carry you with me, wherever I go, and each person I meet gets a bit of you from me, because without you I wouldn't be the person I am today.
P.S. I hope to come and visit you soon, its well over do that we sit and talk a while at that peaceful place. Close
Its been a long time / Sarah Ibendahl (Best Friend )Read >>
Its been a long time / Sarah Ibendahl (Best Friend )
I can hardly believe that it has been 5 years already. You are part of my life I will never forget. And I will always love you because you are my best friend and my birthday buddy. This is the first year I have been able to tell your story to just a few people my boyfriend being one of them. I still find it hard to listen to piano music and wear a sweater in the fall. I visited Garden of the Gods not to long ago I found it the most beautiful place on earth and it reminded me of you Jason. Because you would have loved it up there because you can see for miles and it was the start of all the leaves changing colors because fall is one of your favorite seasons of the year. I find it gets harder every year that goes by that you are not with us and I wish you could be here having fun with me and all of you friends. Keep watch over your family cause they really need you right now.
So my dearest friend the 5th anniversary is approaching this weekend. It's going to be a rough one once again, but I will be surrounded by wonderful people. I told my kids about you the other day. They saw my locket and asked about it. I shared with them your story. They were all very sad that their teacher could go through sometime like that. I was so touched that it took all of me not to burst out in tears right then and there. They are truly a special group of children. I'm so glad I have the wonderful ladies that I work with every day. They have been wonderful this week. I feel that tomorrow will be the worse day of the school week for me. I am going to remind my students just how precious life is and how they need to tell someone they love them every day.
I'm hoping that tomorrow night will be a changing point in my life. Thanks for that! I know you had something to do with it. You have brought someone to me who knows how it feels to lose someone you love with all your heart. I want you to know that has never changed for me. I will always love you with all my heart. You will always be my best friend. You will always be my guardian angel.
I love you dear friend. I miss you so much...only 1 1/2 years of Pharmacy School to go! I know you could do it!
Just passing by / Cassie Neville (Classmate)Read >>
Just passing by / Cassie Neville (Classmate)
Hey Jason! I know we like never talked in HS, but I just want to show my respect as the 5th year of you not being with us nears. Liz reminded me, and I thanked her for that. I really don't know what to say or do, so I will just say HEY! And I want to let you know that I remember that Saturday night before the musical started, I still remember us chatting about the funny hats that were worn! I hope you have one on, I looked at all the pics, and noticed the comments your mom made about all of them! Well ne ways, I will ttyl! PS Watch over those who were so close to you, cuz this is a rough time of year for them Close
It's a shame... / Bridget
You know, I never got to know you and that is a true shame. I absolutely love your brother, your mother, and everyone else in your family, and it is so hard for me to sit back and watch them in pain. I wish you were still here so that I could hang out with the incredible person everyone is always talking about. Yours and Jordan's birthday is coming up soon and I know it's going to be another rough time for a lot of people, but I know you're watching over us all and you will help your family to stay strong. I wish you were around to see all the crazy things that go on these days. Jordan is doing really great in racing, your mom is the most determined runner ever, and your furball Melody is still as lovely as ever, even though she doesn't like me at all times, lol. Like I said it is a true shame that I never got to meet you before your death, but if I had, I know I would have loved you as much as everyone else. Take care up there! Close
I carry your heart / Laurie (Mom to Casey )Read >>
I carry your heart / Laurie (Mom to Casey )
Jason Daniel: (for your mom)
I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart) I am never without it (anywhere you go I go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling) I fear no fate (for you are my fate my sweet) I want no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or the mid can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
Oklahoma!/ Amie Bushway (Friend)
Hey, I'm going to see Oklahoma tonight. It will be the first time I've watched the musical since you left. I watched parts of our performance a couple years ago, but I couldn't finish it. I'm going with a friend I barely know. I hope I don't cry too hard! The Muny rocks, Jason. Rob and I have season tickets every year. This season will be a tough one, though. Oklahoma and Grease we worked on together, and Joseph was one of your favorites. It's definitely going to be worth it. I'm meeting my friend Maryanne in an hour though, and I'm not fully ready yet (I'm acctually starting to wear makeup, can you believe it?!) Rob and I are still going to name our first son Jason Christopher, just so you know. Too bad Rob's middle name doesn't start with a "D" (Christopher is his middle name), then our Jason would have your initials! I know it'll be years before we have another child, but that is one thing I really look forward to. Okay, I really have to go now (maybe I haven't changed THAT much since HS...remember keyboarding classes?!) I don't know if you know Austin and Mason, but since I believe they're in Heaven with you, I think you should search them out. Give 'em a hug for Shirley and me. I miss you all so much.
It's been too long. / Amie Bushway (Carpenter) (Best Friend )Read >>
It's been too long. / Amie Bushway (Carpenter) (Best Friend )
Hey Jason! This site is so cool! I will definitely be back here frequently. I miss you so much! You would absolutely love Sara. I can't believe you never met her. Gosh, my life has changed so much in these three long years. Sara's favorite song is "Believe in Me". Imagine that, my duaghter loving a song by Don! Rob and I celebrated our two year anniversary on the 16th. I can't believe you never met him, either. Just so you know, I'm wearing the pj pants I bought after the funeral. I bought so many sweaters that week! Well, it's time to put Sara to bed. I'll check in soon, though. Give my love.
I write thee again, it's been awhile!!! You've seen it all, you know what I'm up to, just don't tell Mom!!! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha... goodness well I owe you many of thanks, don't I? The new life here in Belleville, the even closer bonding of OUR mother, yeah I claim her, can you blame me? Church, ummm WOW. The craziness of all my friends... you've done more than blessed me Jason, you knew what I'd need and you provided no problem. Thank you. I come to your site and I get sad when I see your face and then I start laughing!!! I just think of something crazy that we did, or something silly you did at NCHS during the plays... and I just crack up. It's funny how normally one would precieve death as something so depressing and horrific... and then there's me... laughing and smiling because I see you living in me and I refuse to believe that you aren't here, I can feel you all around me. I guess sometimes something as devistating as death can bring about the best in someone that they never knew exsisted. The person I've become was buried deep within me and your death provoked him to be awakened and to live for the both of us, for that I am grateful. There are so many negative things that death an bring, and who would've thought that all the people who knew you could be influenced in so many different ways, I refuse to let your death bring me down, and I know that you wouldn't have it any other way for me. Jason I love you and everything you've done for me just makes my life so much easier, for that I owe you a debt that is unpayable, no matter what I do I could never do enough to repay what you've done for me, you've blessed me, loved me, and embraced me. I love you for that.
Hey Jason / Sarah Ibendahl (Best Friend )
Hey Jason It gets harded every year that you are gone but I keep you in my heart every day and that I always think about you when I am doing certain things. It has been a busy semester and I know I have not been out to the cemetary lately but I find many things around me that remind me of you. You would like the senery down here at SIU Carbondale. I have a great view of the lake outside my room. It was really pretty this fall with all of the leaves changing colors. One of the RA's in my building is a music major and plays the piano for me when I get the chance. I usually have him play classic beethoven for me cause it allways makes me think of you playing your piano at home. I miss you a lot and I wonder what things would be like if you were still here with all of us. I love you always and that you will aways be my best friend and that will never change.
This is the fourth Christmas without you and it still hurts so badly. I kept very busy this holiday season in an effort to not totally focus on the huge loss that I feel. I did manage to decorate my place this year... and every one of your ornaments hangs on my tree.... right along side Jordan and Ryan's ornaments. Your stocking hangs by the fireplace.. right along side Jordan's and Ryan's. I know that you exist because I feel you within my heart. I know that I will not see you until I die, but I also know that I will die loving you. Your death does not change that.... death does not rob me of the love or the memories. You are a part of me and this family for the rest of our lives. I went to your grave and accident site today... twice. I lit luminaries at your grave and the thought that keeps me going is that you are safe.. you are celebrating the birth of Christ with Jesus himself. As for me... I keep going because I must. I help hurting kids and I do it in your memory. I have a huge heart and I feel so deeply. I wept today for what I have lost...I remember how much you loved Christmas.. the way that you would sit at your piano and play Beethoven... yet, at the holidays you would switch to Mannheim Steamrollers. You and I would decorate the tree and then you would play Christmas music on the piano. We would have hot chocolate and you just had to have mini marshmallows in yours. You loved to shop with me and you loved to bake with me. I miss all of that so much. I did not bake a single Christmas cookie this year... maybe next year... Who knows. I take it one day at a time. I miss you so much every single day but the loss seems greater at the holidays... it's family time and you are missed so acutely. I sat with your brothers and Dad last night and just kept thinking, "Jason should be here." Of course you should be here... You died much too young.. You had much too much to do yet. You should be on Christmas break from college and getting some much needed rest. You and Amy should be hanging out and having a good time. I hate that life had to turn out this way. I can't do a single thing to change it and I can't stand that. I can never fix this... but I do know that you and I will be reunited one day and that will be a great day... a great day indeed. So, Jason, Merry Christmas in heaven.. You are missed so much down here... oh my gosh, I love you with my my heart and soul.. always and forever... Mom
My title goes here. / Brady C. Mallory (Friend)Read >>
My title goes here. / Brady C. Mallory (Friend)
Hey Jason, how's it going? I am sitting in my room while my roommate/friend Kyle is in a deep slumber. I was perusing through a facebook site about you. It really is quite nice. It offers people's sentiments and includes a nice array of photos. It was nice to read about you and see your face again. Sometimes we are all so busy we tend to neglect taking time to stand back and examine important aspects of our lives. Which is why I really enjoyed visiting that site and this site. A lot has been going on in my world lately, as you well know. Lately I have been regressing back to November 2003. I remembered the other day that my father no longer has the hunter green explorer that I was driving that night. I was remembering hot tubbing with some friends, and I also remember them stripping me of my suit! On the way back to Brookings from Austin after Thanksgiving I listened to Dolly Parton's "For God and Country" album. It makes me think of you because I purchased it a few days prior and I was listening to it the night of. Reba's "Room to Breathe" also makes me think of you. I remember emailing you about how good it was. Wow, that was a while ago. This detail had slipped my mind, but it has now been put back into place. I was Hugo Peabody in "Bye Bye Birdy" and you were in the orchestra for "Bye Bye Birdy". I find it need that our lives were parallel because of that. I thought you might like to know that I decided not to continue being a psychology major because I refuse to take Chemistry! Speaking of school, I am putting off writing a paper. It is not that it is hard, but I have gotten lazy in my old age. I am going to be 20 in May! How did that happen? Anywho, I thought it would be nice to have a "conversation" with you. Perhaps I will give your mom a quick call. I really miss you Jason. I know you remember that. Oh, and thank you for being with me a few Sundays ago. I know that you and God were the ones who helped me. I know that I was going 80 on icy roads in the rain and you helped me while my car was spinning and while it almost went into the ditch. Thank you. Anywho, Godspeed little man. I will talk to you later. I miss our talks, and most of all I miss our friendship.
Three years now... / Mom
I sit here missing you with all my heart... Three years.. Have I healed any? Today it feels like I have not. The pain is so intense.. the longing for you is intense as well. You are always a part of me.. no matter where I go, what I am doing, and who I am with... You are right there with me. I laugh sometimes and tell people that I have a little gay boy inside of me....That is how closely I carry you. I have to say that your death forever changed who I am. A part of me did die that night but a new me emerged.. A woman who is different but still good in many ways. I am a voice in your community Jason... I can love hurting kids and make a difference... and you taught me. You are the one who taught me that love is love and that everyone deserves to be loved. Love is a precious gift and it really doesn't matter how old, what color, or what gender that special person is. You taught me not to live a life that is a lie... and I don't. I am proud of who you are and I am proud of who I am. I sometimes even like the woman that I have become. I don't sweat the small stuff anymore. I accept everyone. I am open to diversity and I certainly don't mind taking risks anymore. I stand up for what I believe in and I don't let anyone talk against you or anyone in the gay community. You are my inspiration. I still marvel at how extraordinary you are. I am blessed to be your mom and I will always cherish that role. The two best days in my entire life are October 3, 1983.. the day that I became a mom for the first time and then again on May 19, 1986 when I became a mom for the second and third times... Obviously, the most devastating day of my life was November 15, 2003. Your death has affected every single part of my life. The aftermath of your death reached into the very depth of my soul. Most of my decisions, my relationships, my thoughts, and my emotions are somehow linked to your life and your death. Alot of what I do.. I do in your memory or in your honor. I try to love those who need love. I try to listen to those who need to be heard. I try to really see those who need to be seen and understood. I try to reach out to my sons, my patients, my friends, and to those who need me. I try so hard. I wish I could save the world Jason... because I feel the best when I am helping others. I wish I was whole... because I know I am not. But I will be again someday.. when I am up there in heaven with you. I sometimes have to apologize to Ryan and Jordan because I feel that they look at me and see a mom who isn't the best that she could be... I am so blessed to have them.. just like I am blessed to have you. I always tell people that I have three children if I am asked. Of course I have three children... you are with me always... till the end of time... till the seas run dry... till the world stops turning. My love for you has never lessened or faded. It is as strong as the day you died... and my respect for you has just grown. I cry because I miss you and I feel so sad for those who knew and loved you... and I also feel bad for those people who never got a chance to meet you and know you... They missed out on the remarkable Jason Daniel Brink. Your courage and strength are an inspiration to many.. including me. When I think of you I see your sparkling green eyes, that crooked little smile, the sweaters, the Express jeans.. I see you petting Melody... laughing at her and calling her sooo cute.. I see you sitting in the big green chair curled up with a book. I see you snuggled in your bed between your two body pillows. I see you typing away at the computer with Melody sitting at your feet and sometimes running across the keyboard. I often heard you laughing out loud while you were IM'ing someone. I see you studying for Physics or Spanish II. I hear you play the piano and the clarinet and I remember you marching at all those football games.. I was there.. I had to see you perform every single chance I got. I hear you playing Moonlight Sonata on the piano and then I close my eyes and I can see you gently swaying with the music... All these images are what keep me going. Yes my love.. I carry you with me... in all things and in all times. I will never let you go... but I also know that one day I will REALLY see your face again... and I am sure that you will lead me home.. You will take my hand and stand next to me and then we will spend eternity together. For now, I have to stay here because God has plans for me. I have asked God to just take my hand and lead me to where he needs me to be.. because I can't figure it out on my own. November is never easy for me... and I don't think it every will be. I visited your grave and cross tonight and left you flowers.. yellow and white roses as always. I also have flowers on your piano and I have candles lit for you.. as do many others. Jason... you never knew how much you were loved... but I know... and wow... the quiet, shy, beautiful boy touched many, many lives... and now I am trying to do the same. I love you with my entire heart and soul... my angel.. my son... Forever... your mom Close
LOVE IS STRONGER THAN DEATH... / PAT GOODSPEED Read >>
LOVE IS STRONGER THAN DEATH... / PAT GOODSPEED
Awoke by grief, our spirits speak; How could you believe that the life within the seed That grew arms that reached And a heart that beat And lips that smiled And eyes that cried Could ever die?
<3/ Jordan (brother)
I cant believe its been 3 years already. So much has happened since then, but yet it seems like it was yesterday that I saw you for the last time. I miss you so much. I know you would get a kick out of all the new kittens around here and the way melody wont leave us alone until we turn the water faucet on so she can get a drink. I dont really know what to say besides that I miss you a whole bunch. Close
Knock-Knock-Knocking on Heaven's Door!!! / Kelly Dean (Friend)Read >>
Knock-Knock-Knocking on Heaven's Door!!! / Kelly Dean (Friend)
Jason, Sometimes it's so hard to sit here and think of what may have been or what might have been, reality is, it's not. It will never be. This past year I have asked you more times then ever to take me where I should go and to lead me, I know you have done just that. I was thrown out my home and welcomed into yours. I was going through hell inside my house, but I could go to school and be surrounded by all the friends that you gave me. I hid who I was at times, only to find you with me making sure I could continue to do so. Everytime your mother and I got together, she always made sure I was loved. Everytime I saw your Father he would great me warmly. Your brothers always making me feel welcome. What a crazy year we've both been through!!! But it was worth it wasn't it... you're still guiding me now as I practically live with your mother, lean on my new church friends, and patch up wounds with my parents. Life is not about showing up in heaven looking perfectly spotless and beautiful, it's about flopping in sideways, beaten up and looking like a repressed straight guy, screaming "MAN WHAT A RIDE!!!!!" Thanks for being my passenger. I love you. Close
My Dearest Jason, It is time once again for me to write to you as if you were sitting here in my room next me. That's where I wish you were, sitting here in my room, watching a movie with me, eating popcorn and M&M's, drinking Mt. Dew, and talking about the new boys in our lives. But that's not the case. I'm sitting here in my room, alone, watching a movie and chewing gum. No popcorn. No Mt. Dew. No M&M's. And no conversation. I have found this school year to be lonely at times because I am living alone. All that alone time gives me a great deal of time to think. Lately, as usual, I have been thinking of you. Thinking about what life would be like if you were here. Thinking about what you would think about a certain new boy who has come into my life. Thinking about the conversations we would have. Thinking about what it would be like if you were still alive and here with me. This year has gone by so fast. I can't believe Thanksgiving is in a little over a week and Christmas is right around the corner. Wednesday will mark three years since you were taken away from us. I have promised myself not to sit and dwell on the fact that you are not here. I have been blessed with wonderful friends who promise to keep my mind, body, and spirit high. Well I guess as high as it can be. I want to thank you for sending those good people my way. You know better than anyone how much I need people like that in my life. I also want to thank you for sending that boy my way. Thanks for letting him understand how important you were and always will be to me. Thanks for letting him be a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and strong arms to hold me when I need holding. Thank you Jason, so very much. I feel as though this boy can be the person I share things with, including my love for you. He is good for me. And he will help me get through it. Also, thanks for allowing Mom and I to become best friends. I love that we can hang out and talk. I only wish we would have been this close three years ago. If I would have had that relationship with her, so many things would have been different. I would have opened up more about how I was really feeling. I would have taken better care of myself and not have done the stupid things I did out of pain. I did it all because I wanted to bring you back. I felt empty... That emptiness is starting to fill up. My life is so wonderful right now. I am truly blessed. I have the best parents in the world. I have Liz who has become such a good friend to me. I have the girls at school who take me out to get my mind off things. I have my 4-H friends who love me for who I am. I have the new position in SAC. I have my kindergarteners who look forward to see me each and every Thursday and miss me when I'm gone. I have people who love me. And I have a new guy who I can talk to about anything. It is truly the greatest feeling in the world. So Jason, my dearest friend, this year I promise you that I will not sit here and feel sorry for myself. This year I will tell all the people who love me about you and our life together. Thank you for watching over me and bringing all these wonderful things to my life. I will be forever grateful to you. I love you a million red M&M's Jason. Always yours, Amy
I give you this one thought to keep... I am with you still...I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow, I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift, uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not think of me as gone... I am with you still...in each new dawn.
A Mommy Q's Love / Kelly Dean (Friend)
I know that Ms. Gitta is not my biological mommy, but my god she's definately my adopted Mommy Q, Jason. I love her with all my heart and I wanted to tell you that I love her just as much as I love you I adore her. Yeah, I know she can read this too... but I figured I'd vent out just how muhc she means to me. I think the world of her and without the two of you lord knows where I'd be today. Your mother is my life, I love her to death and just wanted to say that. She's taken such an interest in a bunch of us struggling kids and I know you couldn't be more proud. I couldn't be more proud to call her my Mommy Q either!!! I'm glad we have each other to rely on and take care of when we need it most, so I know usually I like to thank you for your friendship, tonight I want to thank you for your mother. I promise to take good care of her for you! I love you and her both to pieces, so you deserve to know it, I know you're watching on a cloud as we both do things togethrand laugh and love and struggle... it's so worth it cause I have her to always fall back on. Because of the love she's given me I am not afriaid to be myself, I am happier than ever and it's all because of her. Granted I played a role too, I mostly accomplished everything because of her support. So tonight Jason right before we all three close our eyes to sleep, send her love, light, happiness, and joy. She deserves more than I could ever give her in my wildest dreams. So I want you to help me out and make sure that when I can't always be there with her that sheis in my heart, like you she has engraved her name in it forever. Close